dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
