He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
