Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
