every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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