How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
