It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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