It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
