Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
