Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
