so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize