It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
