i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
