are you still at the devil's house?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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