You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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