Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
