my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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