I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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