the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
