..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to be your penis for a week.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
