Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
