I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
