just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
