"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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