I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
