we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize