Betty ford says i'm here all night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to fling myself into the sun
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize