Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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