dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
