we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
