I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
