She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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