I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
