i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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