Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
