I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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