Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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