My Higher Power is John Stamos
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
