Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize