Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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