i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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