so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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