Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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