OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
