So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have aggressive nipples.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
