Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
