I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize