and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i will never coherently bang her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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