Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
