Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
