can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
