everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
