I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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