why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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