I need help removing her.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
