I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
