This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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