I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
