Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
