If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
