Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize