If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
