how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
