quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
