i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
