You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
