dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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