I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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