I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize