i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
