i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
