My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
