he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
