I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
