Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
