we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The best revenge is premature balding
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize